Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Blog Post #19: The Rainbow Essay and Reflection
Part 1: My response to the prompt:
In D. H. Lawrence's novel "The Rainbow", the author utilizes parallelism and contrasting imagery to show the woman's desire for a better life and her realization that a better life can only be attained through the acquisition of knowledge.
The first two paragraphs of the passage describes the labor of the men in the fields as well as the woman's desire to live a life that is different from the lives of the men in the fields. The combination of parallelism and imagery help to convey the hard work of the men in the fields. The repetition of "It was enough" shows the satisfaction at which the men worked as if their sense were "full fed". The imagery reveals how bonded the men were to "the earth" as it "heaved and opened its furrow to them" and the connection that left the men "unable to turn around". The imagery associated with the men is then juxtaposed with the imagery associated with the woman to show the woman's desire to live a life different from that of the men in the fields. The woman describes a better life filled with "the pulsing heat of creation" and a "magic land" where "secrets were made known and desires fulfilled".
As the woman thinks about the vicar who spoke the "magic language" and lived a life that was better than the men in the fields, she realizes that the secret to attaining a lifestyle like the vicar is knowledge. This desire to further emulate the lifestyle of the vicar is seen in the repetition of "She craved" to show her intense desire to live a better life. After much examination and thought, the woman's struggle to understand how the vicar was able to raise himself "above the common man" is resolved as she concludes that it is just a "question of knowledge".
Through the use of parallelism and contrasting imagery, Lawrence is able to depict the woman as she transitions from contemplative to understanding.
Part II: Reflection
My peer grader Chelsea gave me an initial score of a 6-7. She scored my response this way because it only offered a "reasonable analysis" of the prompt and was not as "perceptive" or "convincing" as an 8-9 essay. My grader also commented on the details in my body paragraphs as being "good" but not as "apt" or "specific" as an 8-9 essay. My peer grader also noted that I need to include more explanations and analysis of the evidence that I present and tie it back to the thesis. I completely agree with the score that I was given because I felt like I could have addressed and/or hinted at my thesis more often in my body paragraphs and use that to further develop my response and my analysis of the complexity of the piece. Even though I did not address the two most used words throughout the passage (blood and knowledge), I was still able to present my ideas with "clarity and control" and support my ideas with evidence from the text.
In order to improve my essay and elevate it to a score of an 8 or a 9, I probably should have directed my focus on addressing the complexity of the passage and tying the complexity into my thesis. While I did talk about the woman's transition between desiring to a state of understanding/recognition as well as the juxtaposition of imagery between the men in the fields and the woman, I did not address the complexity of attitude between complacency and desire and use "blood knowledge" to help with the discussion of that complexity. After discussing "blood knowledge" in class and the belief of the "intellectual over the natural instinct" that Lawrence used in this passage, the complexity of the story soon became clear and I could easily spot the complexity that was being addressed by Lawrence. Looking back at the timed writing session in class, I believe that it was my poor time management skills that led me to skip over the complexities of the piece and solely focus on providing evidence to back up the somewhat competent thesis that I had.
In 5 Steps to a 5, the author talks about incorporating transitions between body paragraphs to help better facilitate and organize ideas. This would be extremely helpful in my essay because my transitions between body paragraphs are slightly awkward and could use some "echo words" to help connect my thoughts as I shift from one main point to another. These "echo words" can also help reinforce my emphasis on the complexity of the piece and the main points that I address in my response. In addition, these "echo words" can provide me with a better way to transition into my conclusion and better integrate the conclusion into the response instead of having the conclusion just be a random blurb that summarizes the thesis at the end.
Finally, after looking at all the sample essays today in class for the norming activity, I noticed that all the essays that received high scores of an 8 or a 9 had more than just a thesis in the opening paragraph. Some had quotes from the text while others had a brief historical fact or relevant information relating to the subject of the piece. After reading the Prose Analysis section of the 5 Steps to a 5 book, the authors emphasized creating a lead into the thesis through the use of quotes from the prompt as a way to introduce the subject being discussed and transition into the thesis. By incorporating these "hooks" and introductions as recommended by the authors in 5 Steps to a 5, I can hopefully create a smoother transition and lead into my thesis with some of the background of the passage to help the reader better understand the direction of my thesis.
In D. H. Lawrence's novel "The Rainbow", the author utilizes parallelism and contrasting imagery to show the woman's desire for a better life and her realization that a better life can only be attained through the acquisition of knowledge.
The first two paragraphs of the passage describes the labor of the men in the fields as well as the woman's desire to live a life that is different from the lives of the men in the fields. The combination of parallelism and imagery help to convey the hard work of the men in the fields. The repetition of "It was enough" shows the satisfaction at which the men worked as if their sense were "full fed". The imagery reveals how bonded the men were to "the earth" as it "heaved and opened its furrow to them" and the connection that left the men "unable to turn around". The imagery associated with the men is then juxtaposed with the imagery associated with the woman to show the woman's desire to live a life different from that of the men in the fields. The woman describes a better life filled with "the pulsing heat of creation" and a "magic land" where "secrets were made known and desires fulfilled".
As the woman thinks about the vicar who spoke the "magic language" and lived a life that was better than the men in the fields, she realizes that the secret to attaining a lifestyle like the vicar is knowledge. This desire to further emulate the lifestyle of the vicar is seen in the repetition of "She craved" to show her intense desire to live a better life. After much examination and thought, the woman's struggle to understand how the vicar was able to raise himself "above the common man" is resolved as she concludes that it is just a "question of knowledge".
Through the use of parallelism and contrasting imagery, Lawrence is able to depict the woman as she transitions from contemplative to understanding.
Part II: Reflection
My peer grader Chelsea gave me an initial score of a 6-7. She scored my response this way because it only offered a "reasonable analysis" of the prompt and was not as "perceptive" or "convincing" as an 8-9 essay. My grader also commented on the details in my body paragraphs as being "good" but not as "apt" or "specific" as an 8-9 essay. My peer grader also noted that I need to include more explanations and analysis of the evidence that I present and tie it back to the thesis. I completely agree with the score that I was given because I felt like I could have addressed and/or hinted at my thesis more often in my body paragraphs and use that to further develop my response and my analysis of the complexity of the piece. Even though I did not address the two most used words throughout the passage (blood and knowledge), I was still able to present my ideas with "clarity and control" and support my ideas with evidence from the text.
In order to improve my essay and elevate it to a score of an 8 or a 9, I probably should have directed my focus on addressing the complexity of the passage and tying the complexity into my thesis. While I did talk about the woman's transition between desiring to a state of understanding/recognition as well as the juxtaposition of imagery between the men in the fields and the woman, I did not address the complexity of attitude between complacency and desire and use "blood knowledge" to help with the discussion of that complexity. After discussing "blood knowledge" in class and the belief of the "intellectual over the natural instinct" that Lawrence used in this passage, the complexity of the story soon became clear and I could easily spot the complexity that was being addressed by Lawrence. Looking back at the timed writing session in class, I believe that it was my poor time management skills that led me to skip over the complexities of the piece and solely focus on providing evidence to back up the somewhat competent thesis that I had.
In 5 Steps to a 5, the author talks about incorporating transitions between body paragraphs to help better facilitate and organize ideas. This would be extremely helpful in my essay because my transitions between body paragraphs are slightly awkward and could use some "echo words" to help connect my thoughts as I shift from one main point to another. These "echo words" can also help reinforce my emphasis on the complexity of the piece and the main points that I address in my response. In addition, these "echo words" can provide me with a better way to transition into my conclusion and better integrate the conclusion into the response instead of having the conclusion just be a random blurb that summarizes the thesis at the end.
Finally, after looking at all the sample essays today in class for the norming activity, I noticed that all the essays that received high scores of an 8 or a 9 had more than just a thesis in the opening paragraph. Some had quotes from the text while others had a brief historical fact or relevant information relating to the subject of the piece. After reading the Prose Analysis section of the 5 Steps to a 5 book, the authors emphasized creating a lead into the thesis through the use of quotes from the prompt as a way to introduce the subject being discussed and transition into the thesis. By incorporating these "hooks" and introductions as recommended by the authors in 5 Steps to a 5, I can hopefully create a smoother transition and lead into my thesis with some of the background of the passage to help the reader better understand the direction of my thesis.
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